Love packed a bag and left in a hurry. She caught a bus to the first place she could, travelling at night and keeping to the shadows, shielded behind a cap and sunglasses. She plugged in her headphones and tried to relax, but all the songs reminded her of what she was leaving behind. Flashes of swept off feet and pulse beating too loud. Never again, Love vowed and retrograded into the comforting darkness of her mind.
She got off at the first stop out of town and found a cheap hotel. Her room looked across cracked and rain-parched fields to distant rocky peaks. She sat by the window all day, while tears fell like blood and breathing was fire, choking her lungs with smoke. Clouds made shapes, and the universe turned around her. At night between cold sheets, release came as she sweated and screamed at the ceiling. She burst and scattered as fireworks into the stars above, while far below, her body surrendered to colourless dreams.
Catching the next bus South, she headed deep into the mountains, where she found a B&B owned by Solace. His face was kind and lined like the bark on an oak tree. He cooked her eggs with capable hands and let her be. Love sat at a table in the corner, away from the light, hoping to go unseen, but she knew she wasn’t fooling anyone with her false smile. She walked by the river until she found gentle currents, where she swam naked until her toes were blue.
Solace sat at her table at dinner, and they ate together in silence. Love finally asked him the secret to letting go. He touched her hand and said, The best way to let go is to be like an arrow shot from your own bow, using yourself as a target.
Back in her room, Love summoned the courage to look in the mirror, fiercely denying her lack and limitations. I love you, she whispered, but she hardly recognised her reflection.
After a week with Solace, she journeyed West on a train that sped across long bridges towards the coast. A full moon rose that night and raced the train towards morning. Love could feel its silvery light pulling at her marrow.
The train stopped at Soul Harbour at full tide, and the ocean beckoned her to stay. She rented a cottage on the shore with a large porch and a rocking chair where she often lingered, filling her lungs with salt air. Eventually, she noticed that breathing was easy and memories warmed her like sunlight. Sometimes she lay under sprawling fig trees in the village and watched children in the park.
One day, a girl ran up to her, smiled, head on one side and said, Hi, I’m Truth, who are you? Love removed her sunglasses and contemplated the child. I am Love, she answered and smiled back because she knew who she was again. It was time to go home.
Love decided to fly back East, landing just before dawn. Venus shone low on the horizon above the cresting arc of the sun. Love closed her eyes and welcomed the light.
Her heart expanded as if it contained all the world.
Love’s Journey is part one of a series dedicated to Venus Retrograde, which occurs every 18 months. Venus is the planet of love. When Venus is retrograde, she is not visible in the sky while she transitions from being seen as an evening star to a morning star. The transition takes 40 days. The next retrograde is 19 December 2021 to 29 January 2022. See you on the other side.
(Abridged version of the original first published online in November 2018 after the Venus retrograde from October 5 to November 15.)